Dear, God im drunk
by Appleinn4
Summary: My best work. What will happen when Blaine gets drunk and falls maddly in love with kurt
1. Ummm Hello?

A/N:This is really bad and i honestly have no idea what its about. but read it...might entertain you, Love you

jdfhjkfbjdbfjksb: sorry forgot what this is called out of depression hunger and i dont own glee...or anything

* * *

Here I sit,

Watching Naruto because kurt is being a whiny little baby and won't forgive me for being bi. So I'll just sit here

Relax

panic

paniC

panIC

paNIC

pANIC

PANIC

OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE

I NEED KURT NOW

I practically shot out of a cannon to his house. I ran until i was at his dorm. I knocked on the door unaware that it was past 2am. Then he opened the door in grey sweat pants and a navy blue v-neck t shirt.

"what the hell are you doing here blaine" he said pissed off and tired.

Actions

Speak

Louder

Than

Words

So i kissed him. I kissed him passionately and he just kinda, stood there. Like a tiny little log

"well uh I'll just be going"

Then I left

Got back to my dorm

Went to sleep

Woke up

And Kurt was knocking on my door

I opened it now the Kurt in this situation

He was hot

And now

Now what was he doing

He was kissing

Me

Yeppp

Right on my lips

My pretty little lips

His pretty little lips

On my pretty little lips

Yummmy

His pretty lips felt nice against my pretty little lips.

So now I just stood like

A smiling baby

Who just got kissed by kurt Hummel

HOLY

FREAKIN

CRAP

I just got kissed by KURT HUMMEL

WAIT

I WAS STILL GETTIN KISSED BY KURT HUMMEL!

Amazing

He was amazing

All this was amazing

Except

Dear god I'm drunk

Jeez

I think I'm hungover

OWWWWW

my brain

why does it hurt.

owww

ohhhh but kurt is still kissing me

yummm

yea, Being hungover is worth it

nom nom nom nom

* * *

im just

speechless

and so sorry.

just review

i want to post somthing funny after this so maybe i will

a very weird bizzaree funny

REVIEW YOU PEDOPHILE


	2. Oh my Kurtsie

A/N: Wow i am so happy

I got such and overwhelming response from the first chapter

I had more inspiration and so here go

I truly believed you guys would hate the first chapter

Di$claimer:

I do not own gle-gle-gle-glegle-gle

So don't make me cry-ry-ry-ryry-ry

It's pretty maddening-Ning-ning-ning-Ning Ning

Cause they're all superstars

I do not own glee

* * *

So uhhhh

Do do do

Just gunna tap that little finger on my panties

Or pants

Or holy crap

Am i wearing a skirt

Oh no

I'm wearing my Dalton uniform

Cool

Oh

Wait

Now everyone knows where i go to school

When I got drunk they knew exactly where I

Went to school

Where did

I get drunk?

Emmm

It couldnt be in public

Or could it?

Maybe they thought Dalton was a college

Or Somthing of that nature

Did I go to a party

"HEY KURT WHAT THE HELL THAT'S MY FREAKING FOOD" I screamed!

Kurt turned around

He was making coffee

Yum

I like coffee

"ONLY IF I CAN HAVE A GLASS" I cheered falling on my bed

I rolled around

Weeeeeeeee

"PARTY x2!" I jumped on Kurt and held him

He

A

L

M

O

S

T

Dropped the coffee

But he didn't

That's just how

SupermegafoxyAWESOMEhot

He is

Yea

He's

Mine

Back off!

Mine

Mine

MINE

Kurts mine

I'm drunk

I like coffee

And I'm wearing pants!

I'm happy

I'm tired

Imdndjdjajrfje

Wow where did that come from

And that

Was the

Moment

I realized

I was

Saying

All of this of loud

Not that part right there or this part but before that

Where I talked about his hotness

He was hot

Really hot

Crap shut the f up Blaine

You just shouted everything going through your mind to the sexy beast of a guy you just happen to

L

o

V

e

You

LLLLLL

OOOO

VVVVV

EEEEEE

Him

"I love you kurtsie burtsie" i said twirling his lovelay hair

"I love you to Blaine" he said chuckling slightly

Maybe he

Didn't think I would remember this

So I

Just

Sorta,kinda

Walked away

He brought me coffee i sat in bad a drank.

Well not really drank

Sort of

Lapped up like a dog

"Kurt i want a dog"

He laughed

I felt the need to continue

"I've always wanted a beagle names samson

I don't know why there just

S

E

X

Y

Like you are

S

E

X

Y

Kurtsie"

He smiled and held me close

The coffee was helping

I wasnt so childish

But i was still fuzzy on everything

So you know what I did

I THREW THE COFFEE

ON THE

G

R

O

U

N

D

and best yet

I kissed my Kurt

Yepp

You heard me

MY

Kurt

Yepp I have a hot boyfriend

Within seconds he pulled away in panic

"DUDE NOW I HAVE TO-oh wheres the mop-Maybe a wet rag will do-I need a broom for the glass-" he panicked

I creeped over to him and

pickKED

Him up like he was Cinderella

I walked him over to the bed and threw him on top kissing him.

I was kinda offended

Because he didn't like

Stopp worrying

So I poked his knee

No effect

Well um I'm just going to rape him now

JUST KIDDING

It's not rape if he likes it

Nah, but I just wanted to make out with him

Make him forget about the worlds problems

Slowly

Slowly

Very

Much slowly

I became sober

Or just not drunk or hungover

"Kurt, im back and I love you"

* * *

A/N:

Okay I need your help

I'm not sure where I want this to go I don't know if i want Blaine to be sober

Soooo yea

Any opinions

Anyways thanks for all the favoring/following and reviews


	3. Ye' Ole Rape Story

A/N: so I'm with my friend and really wanted to continue this story. anyways this was originally a one shot and now it could be a 5 shot or longer.

disclaimer:

Oh you own glee?

Well i own...YOUR MOM!

BURN

Get it

**Diss**claimer

* * *

Wow

I miss being drunk.

I walked to the kitchen away from

S

E

X

Y

Kurt

And grabbed a bottle of vodka that the

Student before me left behind

I snuck it into the bathroom getting creepy glares from Kurt but he just seemed happy

I didn't want to be drunk when Kurt was happy

But

It made the pain

Disappear

So I got into the bathroom locked the door

Spun open the bottle and drank.

I

C

H

U

G

G

E

D

My head started realing

I threw open the door letting it hit the wall leaving a small dent

Everything started getting woozy

"KURT TAKE YO CLOTHES OFF NOW" I shouted jumping on top of him knocking him onto the bed.

Kurt

Is

Sexy

And

I

Want

To

Have

S

E

X

With

His

H

O

T

A

S

S

And now I had my chance

I pushed myself to unbotton his shirt

But

He

Wouldn't

Let me

"dammit Kurt let me sex you

U

U

U

U

U

U

U

U

U

Up

P

P

Pp

P

P

P

P

P

You

Smexy

Beast" I said trying harder to pull him closer

Kurt was strong

And so was VODKA

Which made me

STRONGER

So I ripped his shirt off that he yelped about

I

Could pay him back

It wouldnt push the bank

I slowly began making out with Kurt

He was getting into it

But his eyes were open with fear

* * *

A/N: so ummmmm when did this turn into a rape story

Anyways I have been overwhelmed with reviews and favorites but I can always use more!

Okay so I didn't upload this mondasy because my computer was taken over by my home schooled cousin who is staying with us while my parents are out of town. I am very annyoed

Announcment: OkAY big news. I will not post until spring break, I will be writing and editing a ton until then and then for 6 days I will post one story or a new chapter. Then on the 7th day I will post anything I have left. So get ready for the spring fest!


	4. The Lovely Things I do to Kurt

A/n: Well i wasnt planing on uploading this until spring break but no reviews on the last chapter so here we are. I am 4 or 5 chapters ahead so if i get enough reviews i will post another chapter before spring break

Disclaimer: i do not own glee, i do not own glee

i doooo not oowwwwnnn glee

i only read books but i do not own glee

even if i was reading a how to own glee book

#starkid

* * *

Den

Guess what

I

BLAINE

did to

Sexy exy fexy

Nexy bexy pexy Kurt

I walked away

Well

Actually I rolled off the bed

I had to regain my balance and when I did I gave Kurt a dance

My hands flew in the air

And my legs jellied around

I'm

Pretty

Hot like that

Yes

I know what chu thinking

I sooooo should have raped that

Sexy ass

But I'm saving all my junk for later

For a special time

Like not only drunk

Maybe

High

Higher than the

Skyyyyyy

Thats the dream after all

Well

For me anyways

The best dream

Any drunk

High than a fly

Person could

E

V

E

R

Imagine

And it was all mine and my sexy ass

"Kurt,do you have weed in you backpack"

And that my friends is how I got slapped

"awhwhwhwhwh fuck you kurt,fuck the fuck you!"

I screamed that (in case you were wondering)

The

Rest of the night went like this

Then very

Very

Ver

Ve

V

Slowly I fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: No big long A/N but please please review...anywhere you want the story to go?


	5. When CoNfUsIoN Strikes

A/N: And it is now spirng break which means lots and lots and lots of uploading...

Disclaimer: i may not own glee but im gunna own up SPRING BREAK

* * *

*1 day later*

*2 days later*

*3 days later*

Worse than a hangover

I was so woozy and fuzzy

Kirk was no where to be found

I wasn't hungover and thankfully wasn't sick from over dose

Everything about me was sober

My mouth was dry from dehydration and my stomach grumbled in pain.

Thankfully less and pavid were here

"hey less,hiya Pavid"

They looked questionably at me and the less was he first to speak up

"Its Wes"

"and David" pavi- I mean DAVID continued

Oh

Well

That's not awkward

I'm just going to go back to sleep

*1 day later*

mouth

So

Dryyyyyyyyyyy

"heres a glass of water and some toast with peanut butter" Kurt smiled kissing me on the cheek.

I had just woken up from a dream of me and Kurt making out

It was super hot

But I

D

E

S

P

E

R

A

T

L

Y

Needed food in my stomach

* * *

A/N: lots of uploading on this story today...you ready?


	6. Kites go high

A/N: okay this is for IfOnlyLoveWasLikeTheMovies87

Who suggested the purpose of this chapter. Email me anytime and please review if you want to say anything

Disclaimer: Ching Ching I don't not own Glee, how bout youuuuuu?

* * *

MY BRAIN HURRRTTTTTTTSSSSSS

MMMMMYYYYYYY

WWW

HHHH

OOOO

LLLLL

EEEEE

BBBBOOOOODDDDDYYYY HURTS

GOD AM I CRYING?

oh I don't care

You wanna know why?

MY HEAD HURTS LIKE A BITCH!

凶干义 长毋仇!

God I need Kurt

"KURT!"

"KURT!"

"DEAR GOD KURT GET YOUR HOT ASS OVER HERE!"

"what the fuck do you want Blaine?"

"my head hurts" I whimpered

He walked away into the kitchen looking extremely upset and fetched me a glass of water.

Nom nom nom nom nom om "thank you Kurt" I said pulling on his collar and kissing him on the lips.

My head was still pounding so Kurt ran to the mini-mart and grabbed some advil

Yea

You know what I was saying about getting high?

Does over dosing on pills count?

Opps

Too

Late

Hey

Heeeeeyyyyyyyy

HEEEYYYYYY GOD DAMMIT LISTEN TO ME!

Oh yea,you can't talk.

Bye.

*passes out*

* * *

A/N: Blaine is badass:)


	7. Homophobe Eating Rainbow

A/N: So who saw Blaine and Kurt kiss on Glee?that was hot,.,,,,,yea well this is realiazation chapter...Blaine you idiot

Disclaimer: Yea not owning glee over here

* * *

*2 hours 45 minutes 4 seconds and .3.3.3 Mili-seconds later*

"oh my Kurt what have I done to myself" I said after drinking yet another glass of water

"I don't know Blaine I think you need to go to the hospital"

"oh no Kurt, think of what my parents will say, they'll kill me"

Kurt sighed

He paced the room

He sighed

I stood up instantly falling back onto my bed.

"whoa there hunny" Kurt said picking me up and helping me walk to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen I grabbed a glass of Gatorade and watched Kurt do the same.

I went outside with Gatorade still in my hand and Kurt

Gladly followed

"Kurt?what do rainbows eat?"

"homophobes, then they spit them out and suddenly"

"THEY'RE GAY!"

We both screamed.

Suddenly something hit ma face

Kurt picked up the paper from my

B

E

A

U

T

I

F

U

L

Face

"The Eur-o-pean Rave tonight at 8pm"

Kurt read aloud

We both nodded our heads

"let's go hunny"

* * *

A/N: One more upload today...Chapter 8!


	8. EurOPean Rave

Disclaimer: Last chapter i have today,probably the weirdest one but love ya, review

A/N: Whoa maybe im blaine...hes closer to ownig glee than me but i feel more drunk

* * *

Rave

Rave

Rave

Rave

Let's do the

R

A

V

E

Let's do the

R

A

V

E

Shots

Shots

Shotsshots

Shshots

Do the dance

With no pants

Get rid of those

A

A

A

A

A

A

A

A

N

N

N

N

N

N

T

T

T

T

T

T

S

S

S

S

S

S

S

S

"blaiinnnneee?" called a familiar voice

"OMG KURT

YOU LOOK SO FUCKING HHOOOOTTTT

RIGHT NOW"

Kurt

Was

Dancing up

On day

Stripppaaaaaa pole

*rave noises*

* let's do the rave

Don't drink the water

"Kurt,imma get some water"

*bump*

"oh my gaga Jesse saint James"

*passionately makes out with hot Jesse saint James"

"Blaine, I told you never to do that, but oh it tasted

So

So

So

So

So

So

So

So

So

So

Good

Then we started making out more

"let me in!" screamed Kurt

So all three of us made out

Let the bodies

Hit the floor

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let the bodies hit thhhh-

Whhhooooaoaaaaoaoaoao

I fell

Oww

My head

Wow that was fun

Jim carry

Is in a

Ferry

No he's not

WTF?

Hollyyyy

What was I saying?

Now where is that rainbow

RAINBOW

WHERE ART THOU SEXY BEAAASSSTTTT

I was all alone

The warehouse the rave took place at was now empty

"hello-o-o"

My voice echoed around the room

*tears* rolled down my eyes

Then Kurt appeared wearing a silver glittered cocktail dress and blue eyeshadow covered his entire face

Jesse trailed behind

He was wearing black leather pants and now shirt

Instead his chest was covered with glow juice the was painted on to look like a glow in the dark tux

"man that was fun"

Then I looked down

I was wearing a kilt

And a walmart t-shirt with a nametag that read ~hello I'm Chuck~

What happened?

* * *

A/N: What next guys i am leaving it completly up to you! review review. no ideasare stupid ideas (unless your abrainiac)


	9. Look at What The Rave Dragged In

A/N: No real need for an authors note but i wanted to tell you guys that if you give me and idea for the next chapter I will read one of your stories review on it and recognize you in the chapter...any ideas are welcome

disclaimer: Love ya,Love glee

i own neither

* * *

So the rave was gone and had left me, Kurt and Jesse alone.

What to do

What to do

"let's just get out of here like now"

I said knowing how freaked out Kurt must be

Jesse I wasn't worried about.

Currently he was rolling around on the floor screaming

"GOYLE PASTE IT!"

so I grabbed Kurt's arm and ran out of the building.

The sky was cloudy and gray but the smallest part of sun that was visible blinded me and instantly gave me a headache

Now my eyesight was blurry

"Blaine look over here!"

Kurt said pointed to the west part of the sky.

It was actually very close I could see every detail of the rainbow

Only meters away

And it's tongue was sticking out?

there was a person on the tongue!

And it's wearing a shirt that says

I had to squint to read but I looked like it says

God hates gays

And now the tongue was pulling the homophobe (that's a good name for the jerk

Stick it to him:))

And the rainbow had razor sharp teeth that grinded the idiot homophobe to pieces

Just then jesse ran out of the building and something slammed into him. It was the homophobe but now his shirt said

"I

3

gays"

Him and Jesse instantly began making out after the rainbow cheered and said

"thank you Cameron, rainbows need to eat to"

Then Kurt twirled me towards him and touched his lips to mine.

On the sidewalk

There was 4 gays making out

What a beautiful view.

After 30 or 40 minutes we left to go back to Dalton

Dalton was farther away than we thought from wherever the rave was but after what seemed like an hour we made it back

We went to my room since Kurt had to share his with some

Loser

So we got back and suddenly burst into laughter

"YOU AND ME AT A RAVE!" I scream

Then both of us in unison yelled

"FUNNIEST THOUGHT THAT HAS EVER CROSSED MY

mInD!"

Saying things in unison makes everything funnier

"you got high off of advil" Kurt joked

Yea,that pissed me off so I

Socked him in

The face.

He jumped back up and he turned on my radio

Some Ke$ha song came on

And I grabbed his arms and we began

D

A

N

C

I

N

G

Together

"tik tok on the clock dj blow my speakers up"

We danced until morning.

"I cant believe it's Monday" Kurt said with a small tear running down his left cheek

Yea and we only had about an hour and a half to get ready for school. So Kurt raced back to his room already having to shave an hour off his infamous moisturizing routine.

I combed my hair and changed out of my "rave costume"

Maybe i could use the kilt and walmart shirt for Halloween or even better

R

O

L

E

P

L

A

Y

I

N

G

With

K

U

R

T

Whom, did I mention was still my boyfriend:)

My half done homework was scattered around my room so I collected it up in a bunch and sorted through them.

I had gotten most of my math homework done but my science crossword was left blank.

Surely Wes or David could give me the answers that I could pass onto Kurt

O crap

Kurt was probably freaking out!

I would warn him when I got finished putting on my shoes and other various details.

People at Dalton thought Kurt took to long on his homework

But if you looked at McKinely highs homework it was insanely easy in comparison.

Poor Kurt

He would be all right

I snuck a few mini bottles of whisky knowing that i could help him make it through the day

* * *

A/N: This chapter was made possible by: lovergirl7

who inadvertantly gave me some ideas for this chapter and a snipit of the next. there is still time to review and give me an idea for the next chapter

all ides welcome:)):):):):):):):)


	10. Kurt is Better Than Vodka

A/N: Yes so as youve heard most of my multi chapter fics are ending and they are ending today, but at the end of me and abrainiacs Freaky Friday Mega Upload I will be posting the first 3 chapters to a new multi-chapter super secret story... i will miss dear god im drunk and i will probably write another crazy wacky one when inspiration comes.

Disclaimer: I found out the hard way that usless ramble does not in fact get you a tv show

* * *

"You need to stop this Blaine, getting drunk all the time isn't good for you"

I knew it wasn't

But man was it FUN.

"Okay I will do it

FOR THE WWWAAAARRRRBBBLLLEEERRRSSS" I said going off into a random song about birds and singing and blue with red piping.

"Blaine is serious for once in your life."

I nodded in agreement grabbing a bottle of vodka from my cabinet

"BLAINE!"

I set down the vodka and gave him the "please oh please" puppy dog look

"Throw it out"

And that sentence that he spoke with so much anger gave me strength

So I grabbed that bottle of vodka

He lifted a hand up but put it down as I walked to the window opening it half way

And I threw the bottle of vodka with all my might

Kurt came over to congratulate me

"Kurt you give me strength" I said then pulled closer and kissing him on the lips

Kurt is better than vodka


End file.
